


You Already Know

by berebitsuki



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Other, POV Second Person, Self-translation, internet-romance implied, translated from Russian, ungendered characters, unhealthy teenage relationships, why am i even translating this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:01:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24562039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berebitsuki/pseuds/berebitsuki
Summary: of addictive teenage love and of unsaid warnings





	You Already Know

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [И на лбу себе высеки](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24561139) by [Krasnotal (berebitsuki)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/berebitsuki/pseuds/Krasnotal). 



> I was a very pretentious teenager. Also, if you reading this live like this too, seek help, please.

_Gertrude, do not drink.  
Shakespeare_

It's light with them, easy and bright. When they come into your life, you cannot keep it slow, trying to heal their pain. You get hooked on at once, as if your soul was waiting for them, them specifically, as if you've always believed they'd come.

It's always like that though.

There's no one more important to you in the whole world. They are your whole world. You write letters, you wait for their messages like a lifeline, you purr and you let their hands pet you (metaphorically): 'cast your light upon me, illumine me'.

You are not in love.

'No, I'm not in love,' you say again and again, as a happy smile lights up your face when you open that tab in your dms. 'There's a line between love and... and this, and I'm still treading that line.'

'I'm not in love, am I?' you ask yourself, looking at the ice-crusted ground under your feet, as they fill up your thoughts again.

'Don't you dare fall in love!' you shout at yourself the next day.

That's right, don't you dare. You must not fall in love, you absolutely mustn't.

You're in psychological dependance already. Love will destroy you, it'll poison you with jealousy, it'll bury your skills under layers of obsessive thoughts.

'Do not fall in love,' you whisper as you look away from the computer screen.

'Do... not... fall in love,' a motive repeats itself again and again in your sleepy brain in the morning.

Do not. Don't. No no no-

Yes.

It's going to happen, eventually. You know that.

***

'I understand it too well, the way this happens with people like you...' you type.

You change 'understand' to 'know'. You add: 'people like me, actually.'

Then you delete all of it. To hell with it. They won't understand.

Each one of you thinks, deep down, that they are alone like this. Don't you, too? Would you believe such a warning?

Each one of you is, most of the time, dependent, and cannot imagine otherwise.

That person, the only one in the whole world, - you let them everything. You do everything for them, not asking for anything back. You wonder about their life and never tell of your own without a direct question, so as not to seem clingy. And, in the end, they get used to it. They start thinking that that's how it should be.

That they can use you.

From this point onwards, your 'friendship' is doomed. At first, you were glad to help, being supportive felt easy, but then, time after time, you're left alone. They leave you to feel the sweetness of returning to someone who'd waited, or they hurt you out of malice, or just because of indifference to your feelings.

And every time it hurts, it hurts the heart of the dependance. It hurts your heart.

At some lucky point, the damage starts to destroy the feelings.

Sometimes, after everything that was hurting dies down and rots, you breathe a sigh of relief, sometimes of nostalgia. You may swear a solemn oath that never again, and then throw yourself into another situation like that.

Each one of you cannot do better.

**Author's Note:**

> no, seriously, this might be okay for a teenager, but if it hurts like this story of mine did, seek help and therapy please


End file.
